Candle Lighter Award!!!

I was really chuffed to be the recipient of this award given to me by the very delightful blogger Summer Grant (isn’t that just the most wonderful name!) who writes the blog anyonething  which I thoroughly enjoy reading.  I love the enthusiasm and honesty of her posts which share her journey of studying to be a journalist/writer and her avid joy for the written word.  She has a great sense of wit and has an opinion on almost everything.  A really refreshing blog which I would advise you to take a look at!

The Candle Lighter Award is an award for a post or blog that is positive and brings light into the world.  

The Candle Lighter Award belongs to those who believe, who always survive the day and who never stop dreaming, who do not quit but keep trying.

There are no rules.

If you wish to, simply accept it and you are done!

You are also free to decline or ignore it. 

Recipients can pass it on to as many nominees as they wish and as often as they wish.

I am really pleased that Summer finds my posts so positive.  In spiritual circles, those of us who work for spirit, whether as mediums, healers, counsellors, writers, or in many other ways,  are called lightworkers, so it’s rather apt that my spiritually based blog should receive this.

With that in mind I would like to nominate another spiritually based blog, the tovarysh connection. I tend to read these gentle posts again and again and always find further nuggets of wisdom to consider throughout my day.  I do hope that you will take the time to look at her inspirational words and insights into life.

38) Pros and Cons

This is an approximation of the zig-zag visual...

Yesterday I was supposed to be going out for afternoon tea with two good friends, Kay and Annette.  We had planned to go to a large garden centre where we could have sat outside enjoying the afternoon sunshine.  It was a special outing as Kay had been housebound for several months since last August and Annette has recently recovered since going through, what can only be termed as, an onslaught of medical problems.  She really had been through the mill and we were all so pleased to be able to finally arrange a get together. I had been so looking forward to the three of us having chats and generally enjoying one another’s company. Unfortunately though my own health issues decided to play up and so I had no option but to cancel.

It all started last weekend when I had the strangest experience which I must admit at the time, I’d wondered if it could spiritually based.  I suddenly lost some of my vision and then saw the most wonderful iridescent colours, sparkles and light beams.  It was seriously like something out of a science fiction movie.  Diamond shaped lights zooming around the room and lines of the brightest golds pinks and blues.  It was a little like an indoor firework display but without the noise. It lasted about fifteen or twenty minutes and then just stopped.  I thought it was rather odd, but had no other symptoms or pain and as I had been talking about spiritual matters at the time I did wonder if it was just one of those peculiar things that has happened to me from time to time.  I had previously, many years ago, taken myself off to the opticians when I had experienced some very unusual colours and odd visuals but had that time been assured that my eyes were fine. I am sure now that spirit were involved on other occasions, but on Sunday it was totally different to anything I’d had before.

On Monday I had to see my doctor about an unrelated matter.  At the end of the consultation I mentioned the light show I had seen.  I fully expected her to be dismissive and tell me it was nothing to worry about, but instead, with almost a look of panic, she told me I should go straight to eye casualty.  She said that I may have a detached retina.  Goodness, I was more than a little shocked.  My main concern was how on earth do they stick a detached retina back on! Is there some kind of eye super glue?

Thankfully when Simon took me to the hospital we quickly saw an eye specialist and he asked me my medical history (poor man!) and decided that it was more than likely that I’d had an ocular migraine.  He said that I should go back and have a full examination the next day, but not to worry.  When I came home I looked up the diagnosis and it certainly seemed to fit. The following day another doctor put what I would call ‘stinging liquid’ in my eyes to fully dilate them so that he could take a more in-depth look at the back of my eyes. He confirmed that everything looked fine and that he too felt I’d had an ocular migraine.  I was told I shouldn’t drive and I was lucky that Kay drove me because when I came out my vision was all fuzzy and I couldn’t even see the curbs, let alone a cyclist I almost walked into!

My body never seems to want to behave ‘normally’.  I have had what I call typical migraines since my late teens and over the years have been able to manage them quite well with some powerful medication and learning what works best, which for me is absolute silence, absolute darkness, absolute stillness and cold damp towels on my forehead and back of my neck.  In more recent years I have been diagnosed with vestibular migraines which cause the most dreadful dizziness and vertigo but no pain and I have to take daily medication to try to avert them. Now I have the ocular version! A free light show and no pain.  I know which one I’d choose if I had a choice!

So, I thought everything was fine. I came home from the hospital with my eyes looking like I was some kind of junkie.  Simon just kept staring at me with my massive pupils, which I couldn’t see because my vision was still all blurred.  I wish he’d taken a photo of me now because he said I looked so weird!

Typically though my body decided to react.  Anything unusual and it plays up.  I’ve done all the positive health affirmations for years. I have spent hours of my life saying out loud ‘I am well’, ‘I am healthy’, and various versions.  I still do.  I say it as if it were right now, not in the future.  I should have a diploma for all the affirmation books, hints and tips I’ve read.  I’m still hopeful that one day the words will suddenly slip into my subconscious and my body will sit up and take notice.

Today my twin Tina was supposed to be coming over for the day.  I know how much our Fridays mean to her, and I just hate to let her down.  She and I look forward to spending time together, no matter what we are able to do, even if it’s just sitting reading or listening to music.  Our Fridays are special, we talk about our childhoods, our parents, our brother, our shared memories all of which are so important for Tinas recovery after her stroke.  If she’s feeling up to it she might be able to peel a few carrots, which for her is a mega achievement, or even make a cup of tea.  We take great delight in every step she takes along her path towards becoming more independent.  Yesterday I was feeling so lousy I thought it only fair to warn her that I might not be up to her visit today, but ever hopeful said that I would ring her this morning to let her know for sure.

I had an early night after already sleeping most of yesterday, but even though I slept well I knew the minute I woke up that I would have to have another day hibernating, recharging my battery, if I was to get back to anywhere near my normal energy level (which is a pretty pathetic 4/10 compared to my pre-illness 10/10) . I dreaded ringing Tina and sure enough she was very upset and crying.  I know she understood but her emotions are raw since her stroke. Very small things can easily annoy her or upset her and she becomes frustrated by her lack of ability to deal with matters which she would have not given a second thought to when she was well.  I looked out at the beautiful spring sunshine and crawled back into bed.  I do know that I am far luckier than a lot of people.  I have been going through a good phase recently where I have been able to stick to most of my plans for several weeks.  I have to organise everything with breaks and rests but by doing that can enjoy my life immensely.

In bed yesterday afternoon, with Maddie loving every moment of being able to lay beside me, I did think about my life before I was chronically ill.  I wondered, health wise, if I had no option but to make a choice between my previous life or my life now which would I choose? I thought about it on and off for quite a while.  Weighing up the pros and cons.  One thing that most ‘well’ people do is take their health and energy for granted, whilst most unwell people make the most of every good minute they have.  I thought about seriously wealthy people who waste their money and rarely value what they have, whereas people on a budget plan their spending carefully and make the most of every penny they have and truly value what they can afford.

I thought of the friends I have who accept me with all my limitations, who show such enormous patience when I sometimes have to let them down, who really care how I am and where possible make allowances for my limited energy.  I also thought of the friends I used to have, many who sadly disappeared into the woodwork when I became chronically ill.  My friends now are very different, more ‘real’, far more caring and also far more fun.  I feel I am so lucky. I am rich in friendships and time spent with my friends is always so worthwhile. Would I have valued my friends so much before?

It’s tough to crawl back into bed when the sun is shining, but then many people are working, often doing something they don’t particularly like, and not even seeing the sunshine.  Many people are trapped in their hectic lives, trying to be the best, have the best, striving to achieve perfection but never feeling they are succeeding.  There I was curled up in my comfy bed with my beautiful dog by my side listening to gentle meditation music whilst a warm breeze wafted over me from the open window.   Hmmm …. the choice would not be easy!

37) A Promise from Spirit!

She loved him like he was
The last man on Earth
Gave him everything she ever had
He’d break her spirit down
Then come lovin’ up to her
Give a little, then take it back

She’d tell him about her dreams
He’d just shoot ’em down
Lord he loved to make her cry
“You’re crazy for believin’
You’ll ever leave the ground”
He said, “Only angels know how to fly”

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

One Sunday morning
She didn’t go to church
He wondered why she didn’t leave
He went up to the bedroom
Found a note by the window
With the curtains blowin’ in the breeze

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

I try so very hard not to look back on my previous ‘life’ with negative thoughts but must admit sometimes it’s tough not to!  I prefer to concentrate my thoughts on the now and with my wonderful husband Simon and the friends I am so very fortunate to have in my life.

Last night we were sitting listening to our favourite music tracks and Simon played one that has a particular place in my heart.  It was a song I used to listen to when I was in my previous marriage, when I felt there was no way out.  I would imagine myself flying away, having the freedom to spend time with my friends, to chat on the phone, to read books and to be able to have fun.  To be able to be excited and not have my dreams mocked,  not to be in trouble over everything I ever did or said. To be able to be me.

I used to lay in bed at night wondering how I could leave.  I would envisage a life so removed from that which I had, but which I always thought was unattainable.

My ex-husband and I had been to Calgary in Canada and were staying with one of his business associates  and his very lovely and spiritual wife, when, very strangely, whilst driving along in the back of the car, my wedding ring had literally and inexplicably broken into pieces.  His wife was stunned and as she was already aware that my marriage was not wonderful, but not to the extent it actually was, she said that it was definitely a sign that it was beyond repair.

She and her husband were coming over to England just a couple of weeks later and she and I had arranged to go and see Diana Garland who offered astrological and clairvoyant readings.  I had met Diana years before at a spiritual event and had been most impressed.  She went for her reading first and was really pleased when she came out, saying how accurate Diana had been.  I went in for my reading not expecting that I would hear anything particularly life changing, but I was in for a big surprise.  I had always kept my marital problems to myself but Diana certainly picked up on them, and in her gentle and guiding way she explained that my chart showed that a massive change was about to happen in my life.  She told me that if I didn’t make a decision very soon the chance would be gone and I would be stuck in my life for always.  The very next morning,  I actually came to the decision to risk everything and leave.

I drove over 50 miles across country, down narrow lanes, weaving my way across the countryside to my sister’s house. I drove my car but felt as if I was flying, knowing that no matter what happened I would never go back, knowing that at last I would not be spending my life living in fear.  I had never felt spirit so close to me as that morning, I felt a golden light surrounding my little car and me, a safety bubble that nothing could penetrate.  For the first time in over 25 years I felt totally safe.  It was the most incredible feeling.

I had not been able to be in contact with my twin sister very much as he had objected to our relationship (gulp – how can that possibly be?) so I had no idea that she and her husband and their six children were about to move. We decided that we would find somewhere where we could all move together and my sister and I went all over the country looking at properties before settling on a house in Hampshire.

When I spoke to my friend Susan Roberts, a wonderful psychic medium from Barnstaple who started the English Psychic Company, she told me that within a few months I would be meeting my soul mate, but wouldn’t actually see him – I wondered how on earth that could be!  She said that we would be made for each other and would be living together within six months of meeting.  I had known Susan for several years and knew that her predictions were generally spot on but couldn’t quite believe what she was saying.  It all sounded too good to be true.

Shortly after moving to Hampshire I attended a weeks residential course at the Arthur Findlay College in Stanstead. I booked a private mediumship reading with the tutor Simone Key whom I had never met before.  As soon as walked in the room, and before I had even sat down, she said ‘my goodness you’ve just left a relationship after over 25 years’.  Talk about accurate! She went on to tell me that I would shortly meet a fantastic young man who was my soul mate.  She said I would have a life full of fun and laughter with him and that he would support me in everything.  I was just a little amazed after an almost identical reading from Susan. I couldn’t wait!

Whenever people tell you that you have a fabulous future ahead of you it does take some getting used to.  I still didn’t quite understand how I could meet someone but not see them though.  That really confused me. Little did I know then that I would join an internet dating site and meet the most lovely man who didn’t put his photo on the site!

How incredibly organised spirit was.  I look back now and see that from the moment my wedding ring broke everything was in place to put me on my new pathway. I was given the confidence to make life changing decisions safe in the knowledge that spirit were with me, guiding me through the readings from the most genuine people. I felt that I had a promise of a new life … just waiting round the corner.

Tomorrow, Simon and I will be celebrating our FIFTH wedding anniversary!  We’ve known each other just over seven years now and my life with him is just as foretold.  I adore being his wife, his friend, his playmate, his love.

He has accepted me totally for who I am. I am just me …. and there are no words in the world to describe how unbelievable that is.  To be loved and love is heaven and I count my blessings every day.  Thank you!

P.S. (Can you have a PS on a blog?)

Funnily enough, whilst writing this post I had a break about ten minutes ago and found a lovely post in my inbox which confirmed everything I already knew!  How spirit likes to make certain we get the point!! Please take a look … her blogs are great! http://complexmuse.wordpress.com/2012/03/13/show-your-soul-to-attract-your-soul-mate/

http://www.dianagarland.com

http://www.englishpsychiccompany.com/

http://www.arthurfindlaycollege.org

http://www.simonekey.co.uk/

Sunshine Award!! Yay!

I got sunshine on a cloudy day ….!  Well, almost!

Yesterday morning I woke up with the intention of spending the day in the lovely warm spring sunshine that we had enjoyed on Saturday.  I was sure I would be pruning the roses and setting the garden up for spring.  Instead much to my amazement, as I opened the curtains I was shocked to see dark heavy clouds and torrential rain!  So I decided to have a lazy cosey morning, made a large mug of coffee, some hot buttered toast and settled myself on the sofa snuggled up in my soft fleecy dressing gown.

As usual I checked my mailbox as soon as I started up my laptop and was delighted to see a message from yogaleigh who writes the wonderful blog bluegrassnotes.  I was really chuffed because she had nominated me for a Sunshine Award. Thank you so much – you certainly brightened my morning!

This prize is awarded to “bloggers who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere”. How wonderful!

As an award winner, there are a few rules to follow:

Thank the person who gave this award and write a post about it.

Pass on the award to 10 fabulous bloggers, link their blogs, and let them know you awarded them.

The thank you is at the beginning of the post.

Answer the following questions:

Favorite Color – Eau de nil – so relaxing

Favorite Animal – Cat

Favorite Number – 4

Favorite Drink – Tia maria with Pepsi and masses of ice

Facebook or Twitter – Def Facebook – I struggle with 140 characters on twitter

Your Passion – Spiritual awareness

Giving or getting presents – Giving, but have yet to find how to wrap a hug!

Favorite Day – Today, always

Favorite Flowers – Roses, the more fragrant the better

I am so pleased to forward this award on to these wonderful bloggers, who for so many different reasons,  I thoroughly enjoy their posts, their humour, their compassion and their honesty.

Source of inspiration

Have a Dream

Not Quite Old

Happiness for All

Life As I Know It

The Tovarysh Connection

Spiritual Journey

Guidelights

Wispers of the Heart

Paulo Coelho’s Blog

I hope you all find sunshine today!

35) Busy, busy, busy!

Powellite-j08-02d

I seem to go through phases in my life when everything, spiritually speaking, goes very quiet.   At other times I feel that whichever way I turn they are almost shouting out at me, “Wake up – we are here!”.

The problem is that sometimes I have too many activities going on. Before you think, wow, this woman lives life in the fast lane, I’m talking more about catching up on the washing and ironing, sorting out the freezer, balancing the bank account etc, not terrifically exciting.

I feel that recently I have been busy with people, which is wonderful, and I never complain about that, but the weeks just suddenly whizz by and I realise I haven’t been spending the time I feel I need to be moving forward spiritually.

My weekends with Simon are precious and so I tend to keep Saturday and Sunday free for ‘us time’.  I spend a day a week with my twin Tina, then I see friends a couple of afternoons a week.  Since writing this blog I now follow other blogs and can easily lose a couple of hours a day reading them, replying to them, and researching what they have been discussing.

On top of that I have just started to become acquainted with Squidoo, which is another way of publishing information on-line.  Simon’s hobby is photography and he was told about Squidoo a couple of weeks ago, and of course, once he had looked at it he told me I should, so suddenly another few days went A.W.O.L. as I became engrossed in learning all about it.

There are also friends who live dotted around the world who I try to keep in touch with on a fairly regular basis either with emails or phone calls, relatives who live closer who come over for dinner, pets that need attending to, holidays that need researching etc …. the list is endless!

I also have several books on the go.  A friend told me about a book I ‘must’ read which is an alternative way of treating thyroid problems, which I have been battling for years, so that book has joined the other three beside the bed that I am part-way through reading.  Then I have my beloved kindle which I have become hopelessly addicted to.  I see books that I feel I should read, and now, instead of spending a fortune, I can, for a fraction of the price, download them literally within seconds, and ‘bingo’ yet another book to read!

On top of all of this, due to my health problems, I have to take lots of breaks, and if I don’t my body soon decides to enforce longer rest periods, which is unbelievably frustrating when there is so much to do, that in my head at least,  I feel somehow I should be able to fit in.

Well recently I have felt slightly disconnected from spirit.  I haven’t attended any workshops or circles for months and haven’t been along to any demonstrations of mediumship for almost a month (my wonderful weekend away!).  Everytime I have tried to meditate recently I have found myself falling asleep in the chair and waking up with a stiff neck, so that hasn’t had what I would term the desired effect of feeling closer to spirit at all. Spirit though have a way of letting me know they are around, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes not quite as subtle as I would like.

If you read one of my earlier posts, 6) Man in the Mirror, you will know that whilst having a shower one day, I happened to see my spiritual guide in the mirror.  Since that time I must admit that at times when I’m going to have a shower I do get just ever so slightly spooked.  Often I am not, and happily go and have a shower without a thought, but at other times I just suddenly feel that I would be much happier if Simon was sitting close by.

On Sunday I went upstairs to have a shower and Simon was sitting downstairs watching t.v.  I felt absolutely fine, not spooked in the slightest, I had put the hot water on, organised my shampoo, conditioner, hair remover etc, and I was just about to get in the shower when I felt aware of  ‘something’.  I can’t say I was really that worried, but thought that some music might be nice to take my mind off any weird feelings.  I bought my portable radio into the bathroom, turned it on and just couldn’t believe my ears when the tune ‘Man in the Mirror’ boomed out!  I think that was quite a coincidence – if there are such things as coincidences – which I gather from a spiritual point of view there are not!  I decided that I would be brave and continued to have my shower, on my own, and really felt that I had overcome one of my fears. Fortunately nothing odd appeared in the mirror that time! Phew!

Last week I went to see my friend Kay.  She has been very unwell with vertigo for several months and has been rarely able to leave her home due to her unrelenting dizziness.  I love to go and visit her as she is very good company, full of interesting stories, and we also share a lot of common experiences from our childhoods.     She has had an awful lot to contend with health wise over the last few years and she always amazes me with her positive approach to life.  She is one of life’s fighters and I have never once heard her complain or make ‘poor me’ comments, she just takes everything in her stride, looks for the best in every situation and most importantly, looks at how she can help others in the same boat as her.  She is one very strong lady!

Well that very morning Kay had been to the doctors for some test results and was told that she was diabetic and that she would need to take medication and change her diet.  As we were sitting talking, I suddenly felt compelled to give her healing.  I should explain that I am not what I would call a healer at all.  There have been a few instances in my life where I have had the same feeling, and always gone along with it, knowing that spirit obviously see a need.  I sat there whilst Kay and I were discussing her new diagnosis, becoming increasingly aware of what I can only describe as an instruction, that I should give her healing.  I ignored the feeling for a few minutes until it became overwhelming and I really had no choice in the matter.  Now, Kay has been ill since last summer, and I hadn’t once felt I should give her healing, so this was quite a new experience for me.  I asked her if she would mind and she said it would be fine.

She was sitting down and I stood behind her and placed my hands on her shoulders.  Within moments my hands felt as if they were fizzing, and they also felt extremely hot.  My whole body became hotter and hotter, even my toes were hot, and I normally have cold feet.  Even though my eyes were closed I could see a bright light, almost like a beam, coming towards me.  I felt that we were both immersed in this wonderful healing ray.  Kay said she could feel the heat across her chest and she too was aware of a light, which she felt was going to her heart.  It was a truly beautiful serene time.  I kept hearing the word opalite, which meant nothing to me.  I tend to ignore anything I hear until I am told it several times, just in case it is my imagination, but I just kept hearing that word.  I have never had much interest in crystals and know nothing about them at all, but did feel that this was something to do with a crystal.

I gradually felt my hands return to normal and the heat left me.  As I sat down I told Kay that I had kept hearing the word opalite.  She didn’t know what it meant either, so we looked it up in a reference book she has about crystals.  I was stunned when I read that it is used to regulate insulin!!! My goodness, I just couldn’t believe it.  I just love it when spirit gives me pertinent information that I would have never known about before, and when I research it, it proves to be totally correct.

I had always considered crystals a little ‘new age’ and never really thought of them as a serious way to heal or balance the body before.  I shall certainly view them with more reverence in future.  Hmmmm …. I feel another book or two that will need reading!

Where will I ever find the time?

34) It’s Only a Number!

A picture of a birthday cake

I’ve just had a birthday.  Hooray!

The problem is that I can’t get used to being so ‘old’.  Although my body doesn’t exactly feel ‘young’, my head, my mind and my heart does.  I’m like a ‘cut and shut’ where bits of me just don’t fit together quite right.  My body hasn’t felt very young for a number of years now. Due to a chronic illness I always have pain somewhere and the lack of energy is annoying, but I’ve got used to that over time, it’s been with me for nineteen years, so I should have by now!

No, now the problem is that my body is actually ageing.  I’ve noticed the wrinkles deepening and my eyelids kind of folding over, its difficult to describe, but all of my eyelids used to be visible, but now there is extra skin that hangs over them – I’m sure there is a technical name for it – but it’s happened all of a sudden.  My legs have never been my strong point, being knock-kneed how I rejoiced when maxi dresses came back into fashion, but now they too are beginning to look like old lady legs.  As I’ve aged I’m seeing more and more the family genes take over.  Auntie Violet legs – thanks Auntie!

My twin used to be very good at pointing out my short comings, but since her stroke she hasn’t so much and I have been thankful for that.  Last Friday when she came over she was looking intently at my hands.  Now, she doesn’t often say a lot these days so I normally relish a conversation with her, but on Friday she was not having a good day and was more ‘there’ (wherever that is), than ‘here’, so when she started to talk I was really pleased. “You’ve got”, she looked as if she was frustrated trying to talk, “You’ve got” she tried again, “What am I trying to say?”, “I don’t know sis” I replied, as I often do, because she often asks that.  There was another long pause and I always imagine her brain is trying to get into gear, “You’ve got  age spots on your hands” she piped up with a big smile, “Oh” I said, a little shocked, “and your hands” she went on, “your hands”, I waited patiently as she gathered her thoughts once again, “your hands aren’t looking so pretty these days, they look wrinkly”.  Gee, thanks sis!  Well that was certainly worth waiting for!

I hadn’t really looked at her hands before, they are lily white as she has been indoors for almost three years now and she only had one very tiny insignificant age spot.  One of her habits since her stroke is applying hand lotion many many times a day, so I must admit her hands do look very soft.  Maybe it should become one of my habits too. She isn’t capable of doing any housework or washing up either and I’m sure that plays a big role in my wrinkly, aged spots hand syndrome! Bless her!

I think the reason this birthday has hit me harder than all the rest is that it really is the heading towards sixty birthday, I can’t say I’m in my early fifties anymore, I’ve tilted over the edge of fifty five and fifty six does sound so very grown up! I think, for all of us who have gained some weight, we can look in the mirror and think about when we are slim again, there is a hope that one day we may shed the weight and be back to our ‘real’ slim selves.  For me too, there is always the hope that one day I am going to wake up well, that my illness will have scuttled off into the night, never to darken my door again, and I will once again return to the ‘real’ healthy, full of vitality, capable of anything, me.  But, looking in the mirror now, seeing my droopy eyelids and, thanks to Tina, being aware of my aged hands, there is no hope that one day the droops will disappear and the wrinkles will all smooth out.  I’m not even going to consider discussing the other, more covered up, bits of me, that are patently struggling with age.  A girl (or maybe I should at this age say woman) does have to keep some dignity! No, this is it.  It really is the beginning of me looking old.

I was chatting to my sister-in-law Wendy just before my birthday.  Wendy is sixteen years younger than me (eek, I’m ‘just’ old enough to be her mother!), she is extremely pretty, very petite and super fit.  She goes to the gym most days and also leads a very busy life as a hairdresser, a Mum to my two beautiful neices and has a very active social life.  She is also, absolutely lovely and great fun to be with.  As the years have gone by and we have got to know each other better we enjoy an easy relationship and chat away and discuss anything and everything.  I’m so lucky to have her as my sis-in-law.  She was asking me how old I was going to be and when I told her she said it is just a number. I laughed, yes, I agreed, but said it was a bloomin’ big number!

This week there was the shocking news of the death of Whitney Houston and it really got me thinking.  She had died when she was only forty eight years old.  I met Simon when I was that age, and how I would have hated to have missed the wonderful time we have shared together.  I have met so many wonderful new people since moving to Hampshire when I was forty eight.  For me it was an age when my life turned around, when I had the courage to stand up and be me, to leave an old life and start afresh.   I didn’t have Whitneys fame, her talent, her money or her looks, but I did have my own identity, which I sadly feel she was lacking.  How sad that her life ended when my new life had just begun.  I was thinking that Whitney won’t ever be old enough to be complaining about droopy eyelids and how very fortunate I am to have made it to have a big number birthday.

How sad that so many amazingly talented people just can’t cope with their lives and end up relying so heavily on drugs and alcohol to get through.  I wonder how many of them feel lonely, how many question who really likes them for who they are, not what they have or what they can do for them? It must be tough to cope with public adulation when in your heart you are not prepared, when deep down you must know that you are not coping with the success.

I find it strange how many young people say they want to be famous, and yet fame has so many drawbacks, I just don’t understand why anyone would want to be in a position where they can’t even pop out to their local shops without someone taking a snap of them. Where everyone feels they have the right to comment on and often criticise what you wear, who you spend your time with, what you do. What a dreadful way to live your life!

Hopefully Whitney is now beginning a new life in spirit where she will be able to realise how amazingly fortunate she was in so many ways, where she will be able to find some of the joy she had in her life here.  I do hope that her soul will heal and with help she will be able to move forward along her pathway. Maybe in her next incarnation she will again have the voice of an angel, but our society may have moved on and she will not be put on such a pedestal, where from such a great height so many have fallen.  Maybe next time she’ll happily get to the big number birthdays.  Let’s hope so.

33) Hi-di-Hi Campers!!

Simon and I always try to do something different for our birthdays.   Over the years amongst other things, I’ve been whisked away for a romantic break to a luxury hotel, we’ve been on the London Eye and Simon has been a racing driver, etc.  You get the gist.  The whole idea is that our birthdays are memorable events, a special day to mark the beginning of our next year.  So, when friends of mine mentioned a  Psychic & Spiritual Festival that started on my birthday I thought it would be a unique way to enjoy a get-away and experience the work of mediums that I hadn’t seen before.

As the event was being held right by the coast  “Sceptic Simon” agreed to come along, not to attend any workshops or lectures, but to go out and about with his beloved camera taking some landscape shots with his new filters.  So, we were two very happy bunnies, full of excitement looking forward to the weekend.

I rang the venue to ask if there was a program as my friends and I wondered if we had to book any of the workshops, but I was told that no-one knows the events until the day they arrive.  Goodness, I thought, they must be mega organised!  We where aiming to arrive at about 3:30pm and our timing was spot on. We were given the keys to our ‘chalet’ and directions,  but as we walked through the car park my heart began to sink  when I saw the rows and rows of ‘chalets’ – Hi di Hi couldn’t help but come to mind.  Our room was a double …. just …  it was so small, and the bathroom was something out of the ark,  it was what I would call VERY basic!   It was not what I had expected, but then it’s not what you expect that makes life richer!

I was keen to look at the programme and we couldn’t help but laugh when the saw the evening entertainment billed as Scott Paige and his High Octaine Show-Team.  Seriously, I felt like we were in a time warp and we had unknowingly been time travelling back to the mid 60’s!

After the disappointment with our chalet we really didn’t expect much of the food,  but have to say that it exceeded expectations.  The service was great and the food, although plain, was well cooked and we certainly weren’t going to be starving. We were given a table number and had to sit at the same table for the whole time.  We were sat opposite two women, Julie and her aunt Sylvia.  Julie was a florist by trade, with a very dry sense of humour and a houseful of assorted rescued pets with rather strange names.  Sylvia had a very fast mind, was great company and relayed some very amusing spiritually based stories. They were both real characters with great personalities and we felt we were so lucky to sit opposite them.

The first evening there was a medley of mediums demonstrating until 10pm.  I hadn’t heard of them before, but I gather they are quite well-known.  I must say that the evidence that was brought through by Philip Solomon was amazing.  He was giving people not just names and memorable dates but addresses as well.  I can’t say I agreed with everything he said about his beliefs on spiritual matters, but he did say that we all have our own views and that we must respect that.  I was really pleased because even Sceptic Simon was marginally impressed, and that is quite something!

Simon toddled off on the first morning to go and take some pics and I stayed with my friend Annette as we were working out which lectures or workshops to attend.  The problem seemed to be that there were never enough chairs in the rooms and they kept moving who was working where, which is quite confusing when there are about five hundred people all trying to find their way about.  I wasn’t too worried about missing any of the workshops as I hadn’t heard of the tutors before, but one person I particularly wanted to see was Jay Love.

I had met Jay several years before, when as students at the Arthur Findlay College in Stanstead we had discussed our spiritual development.  So many of our experiences had been shared it was quite uncanny.  He struck me then as a real down to earth kind of chap.  He was a gentle soul with kind eyes and had a wicked sense of humour.  He didn’t take himself too seriously, although it was obvious how much he respected spirit.  I had never forgotten him and a few months ago had found him on the internet and we had been in contact via Facebook, where I had learnt that his development had led him to physical mediumship and he was now able to bring through spirit using transfiguration.

For those who don’t know about this form of mediumship, it is when the medium goes into trance and spirits communicate and also temporarily materialise, usually over the mediums face, by utilising a form of energy that it is believed the medium manufactures within themselves.  It is rare to be able to see this first hand.

I had desperately wanted to see Jay demonstrate his physical mediumship, but as we arrived at the designated room we were told we would need to bring our own chairs and bluntly told by the lady on the door that she would be locking the door in one minute.  This didn’t give us enough time to go and get the chairs so we ended up in another room seeing a lecture about ghost pictures!

Most of  Saturday I saw various people do various things, nothing that I found totally astounding,  it was ok, but I was deeply disappointed not to have seen Jay.  Having said all that though there was certainly a good mixture of differing disciplines for you to take a look at, everything from pure spiritual communication to paranormal investigation to tarot, to sand box readings.  The choice was quite amazing.

In the late afternoon Annette and I found ourselves at a bit of a loose end and, almost by accident, found ourselves in a lecture about animal communication, which we weren’t planning to attend.  As we walked in there were two pictures on a board.  One was a very nice looking cat and the other looked  like my old dog Sam.  I even said to Annette “goodness, that looks just like Sam”.  We sat down and began listening and much to my surprise the lady, who was actually a medium, explained that she had only just drawn the pictures and these two animals wanted to communicate with their owners.  It wasn’t at all what I had expected.  Several people tried to accept information about the cat, who was a tabby called Tigger, but eventually the information given narrowed it down to one particular lady in the audience and she was given the picture.

Then the medium, Raye Edwina Brown, started to talk about the dog.  She said that his name was Sam!  My hand shot up immediately.  She explained that in his old age his back legs had given way and he had to be put to sleep, but that this happened at home.  That was exactly what had happened to Sam.  She said it was literally only a few days before he died that this had started, which was true, as Sam’s back legs gave out on a Friday and I called the vet on Monday as he couldn’t stand up.  She even gave the date of the year he was born.  I was so chuffed.  He sent me his love and told me that he was pleased that I had so much freedom in my life now.  I was called to the front to collect my picture.  I waited until everyone had left and went over to thank Raye and she took a photo of me with the picture of Sam and said she is going to put it in her magazine!

This had made my weekend, I didn’t really expect very much more.  I had loved Sam so much and felt so lucky that he had come through.  I had given communication from animals to people in readings in the past and had seen their delight, and now I knew exactly how they felt.

The evening was not so good.  To me, the mediums were more interested in being entertainers than mediums and I did feel on a few occasions that they were not respectful to either the spirits or the audience.  I watched three of them and decided I would rather go back to the cold chalet than sit and watch anymore.  I was so annoyed that it was typical that Simon was there, and this did nothing to improve his belief in anything spiritual!

On Sunday I had already decided that I wanted to go home.  I was cold, uncomfortable, fed up with all the last-minute changes and to be honest the mediumship the night before had really made me question so much that I felt quite unsettled.  I did though want to have the opportunity to see Jay give a demonstration and on the program it stated that he would be in the Lounge giving a mental mediumship and spirit guides talk at 11:30am, so I thought we’d go home after that.  Annette and I were heading for the lounge when I saw Jay walking away from there, I stopped him and asked where his lecture was going to be.  He told me it was going to be in the Games Room and that there should be enough chairs.  So, we headed off there, found Jay, but again no chairs! Annette went out and found some patio chairs to sit on and we sat expecting a mental mediumship talk.  We were so lucky as Jay was planning to give another demonstration of his transfiguration gifts.  The whole experience was nothing short of phenomenal.  Jay gave a really good talk beforehand, quite thought-provoking, and then his trance guide arrived and introduced himself.  He was nothing at all like Jay, although he did share a sense of humour.  The transfiguration was just mind-blowing.  Grown men and women were obviously emotional at  communicating with their loved ones in spirit and being able to see their faces materialise over Jay’s face.  What an amazing gift he has!

We left just after lunch and were home in the light, turned the heating up and enjoyed sitting on a comfy sofa!

Annette told me that the last night had been the best evening and it had been a shame I had missed it.  Jay had demonstrated his mediumship abilities and she said his evidence was brilliant.  An Irish medium, Sharon Neill, had given evidence that a member of the audience had waited over fifty years to hear and Annette said everyone in the audience had felt extremely emotional. She told me that Sharon had then finished by singing The Power of Love which she said was sung beautifully. It did seem like I missed out, but then I was needed by a friend first thing this morning, so I was pleased I was at home and able to help her.

It was an interesting weekend with mega highs and too many lows. Am I pleased I went?  Yes. Sam coming through and Jay’s demonstration were the highlights of my weekend.  Two fantastic experiences that I know I will never forget.  Just such a shame that it hadn’t been a little more comfortable and a little more organised!

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