30) You’ve Got a Friend

You've Got a Friend

How many times in your life have you felt utterly alone? Felt there was no-one who was there was for you? Felt that no-one could understand what you were going through?

Sometimes the very fact that you put a brave face on it, no matter the tough times you are going through, can actually back-fire because everyone thinks that everything in your life is fine.  Or, maybe people think that you are one of those lucky few who can cope admirably with anything that is thrown at them.  Could it be that maybe your pride is getting in the way of being honest and you prefer people to think that you are ‘strong’ ?

How difficult it can be to be able to reach out when you desperately need a friend.

After I left Devon and moved to Hampshire with my twin sister, Tina, and her family, I was in a very odd ‘friend free’ zone for the first time in my life.   After 26 years I had finally plucked up the courage to end my marriage and within a matter of weeks  many of my friends were doing exactly the same! It was as if a cosmic switch had come on somewhere and we all decided that enough was enough.  My friends are scattered throughout England, and very strangely, all were going through their own very similar difficult and often traumatic times.  After they had separated from their husbands they had all stayed in the same towns, so at least they had their local friends around them for support, but due to my ex’s threatening behaviour I decided it was better (and I felt safer) moving far away.

Friends that I had been in regular contact with for years were busy dealing with their own problems and I felt that I couldn’t bother them with my own worries at that time. Tina and her husband, Woody, had adopted six learning disabled children, whose ages ranged from two to fifteen, so they too were pretty busy,  sorting out the often complicated special educational and medical needs that the children required in a new area.  It was extremely rare for me to get more than a minute or so alone with Tina for a chat, there was always someone who needed her.

Tina and Woody had rented a very large old house so that the children could each have their own bedrooms and fortuitously  it had a two bedroom annexe that was perfect for me.  Although it was not as grand as the main house, it too had large rooms, all decorated in a very gaudy colours by the previous tenant.  The carpets alone were enough to give you a headache.  The main lounge was fluorescent yellow, the second bedroom, vibrant lime green and my bedroom was bubble gum pink!

Although I had not one jot of regret for the decision I had made, and knew I was fortunate to have a roof over my head, I suddenly found myself in an alien environment.  My ex-home was hundreds of miles away, I had none of my treasured possessions around me, none of the comforts of my previous life.    I didn’t have one stick of furniture so went to the local D.I.Y. store and bought the last two fold up garden chairs they had as it was the end of the summer season.  They were vibrant yellow and green so almost ‘matched’ the carpet in the lounge and as a bonus they came with cushions, which looked far more comfortable than they really were as I soon found out when I sat on one when I got home.  I had never sat on such lumpy cushions.  I also bought a table lamp and a small table, so that I could have somewhere to put my coffee, and a small radio so that I could at least have some music to keep me company. I had virtually no money, no income and most of my clothes were still at my old house, so not much at all.  My sister had loaned me a single bed and bedding which looked lost in the massive bedroom.

I remember one evening sitting on one of my lumpy cushioned chairs looking out over the garden which was a tangled mess of laurels and holly trees at the time.  I remember feeling so terribly lost.  I knew that all the legalities involved in both the divorce and the selling and splitting of assets from my marriage were obviously not going to happen overnight.  I felt I was in limbo and  as if I didn’t belong anywhere, like I had no roots.  I don’t think I’d realised how much I had relied on the roots of my life, the roots that come with familiarity of where you live, the friends you see, who you are with, what you are doing everyday.

It is often at times like these when we have to learn to become super resilient, super self-reliant, it is almost as if the universe conspires to put us in a place where we have no option but to dig deep, to delve into our soul’s reserves and find the strength from within ourselves to overcome our fears and concerns.

The realisation of my uncertain future really hit me that night.  I concluded that I could look at my life in two opposing ways.  I could think how dreadful it was, sitting alone in this cold quiet emptiness that was devoid of anything that meant anything at all to me, or try to look at my new circumstances as a blank canvas, ready for the new adventures of my life to be captured in bright cheerful warm colours.

I was so fortunate in that I felt that I could call on spirit, my guides, my helpers, my loved ones who had passed, and asked them  if they could come close. I had a need to know that I did at least, still have my spiritual roots to build on.

As I was sitting there, deep in thought, thinking of  my spirit friends, the sun was setting and the most beautiful deep pink and golden rays of the sunset came streaming through my window.  I felt my spirits lift, and my immediate thought was that old saying, ‘red sky at night, shepherds delight’ and felt a smile from within.

I shook myself out of my melancholy moment and put on the radio. Of all the songs that could have been playing  I heard James Taylor singing one of my favourites.  I had no doubt that spirit had played a part in my putting the radio on at that exact time, the choice of the music, and the station I was tuned to.   I felt my heart fill with love and comfort as I knew I had received a spiritual hug. Whenever I feel alone now, when I start to miss those that I loved so dearly, I think of that magic moment and the enormous effort that I am sure my family and friends spirit-side put into getting that message to me so clearly.  I know that all I have to do is close my eyes, think of them, and they will be here, right beside me.

Written and performed by Carole King, but actually made famous by James Taylor, “You’ve got a friend”.

You’ve Got a Friend

When you’re down and troubled
and you need a helping hand
and nothing, ooh, nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
and you know wherever I am
I’ll come running, oh yeah baby
to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall,
all you have to do is call
and I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah
You’ve got a friend.

If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
and soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name,
and you know where ever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall,
all you go to do is call
and I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah

Hey, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They’ll hurt you and desert you.
Well they’ll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don’t you let them.

You just call out my name,
and you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don’t you know that,
Winter, spring, summer or fall,
Hey now, all you’ve got to do is call.
Lord, I’ll be there, yes I will.
You’ve got a friend.
You’ve got a friend.
Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend.
Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend.
You’ve got a friend

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17 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. passionfortruths
    Jan 17, 2012 @ 06:00:25

    Hi!

    Thanks for dropping by my blog! Cases of divorce, resignations, relocations and even changing to a totally new lifestyle are signs of the current times. I’m not sure whether you believe this or not, but last year saw Earth being bombarded by lots of feminine energy – one which speaks of compassion and reconciliation. The planet is ascending in energy, thus a lot of previous blocks are lifted, creating a new awakening responsible for all the aforesaid changes. We have moved into the new age of Aquarius and this is all about self-empowerment! It is really a good time to remember who we truly are and take charge of the energy within ourselves. 🙂

    Have a great week!

    Luv n Light,
    JW

    Reply

  2. Christina Wood
    Jan 15, 2012 @ 21:21:36

    Wow!! I had no idea how lonely you were I know this might be a little late, but I’m going to give you a lovely (warm) hug!

    Reply

  3. Niki Zabiela
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 23:12:11

    Yes that song is full of meaning for me too, friend 🙂 xxx

    Reply

  4. mochateaoh
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 18:30:45

    A lonely story, indeed, but thankfully good friends remain with us. Thanks for sharing your jouney.

    Reply

  5. kay gale
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 18:18:48

    shivers again,this song haunts my life too.
    T U for being myfriend x

    Reply

  6. delajus
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 18:07:02

    P.S. Here’s the link to my friend’s blog. I think you’ll enjoy her post about “You’ve Got a Friend.” http://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2011/11/06/youve-got-a-friend/

    Reply

  7. delajus
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 18:01:42

    I’m listening to Sweet Baby James right now! Thanks for providing! I have a different problem. I let my upsets out for all to see, and it gets me into trouble with friends sometimes. I find that there are plenty of people who say they’re your friends but as soon as you tell them you’re having problems and could use a shoulder to cry on or lean on, they seem to find a reason to back off. A lot of people are not comfortable with trauma and drama. That’s a great way to learn who your real friends are. I have a very storng, but small, circle of friends who are not afraid of my tough times because they know I’ll be there for theirs.

    I think many people are a little afraid of being known as the ‘drama queen’ so at times when they’d like to burst into tears and tell someone about it, they hold back. When I feel like weeping, I find a quiet corner, usually my cubicle at work, and just have a little cry. Then it passes and I can get on with things. I find that I never want to let anything show at work because they’re very unforgiving of anything that isn’t strictly business.

    Thanks so much for the lovely post. I always enjoy your posts so much. It reminded me of another friend’s post. She had once lived in Switzerland where she and her husband felt like fish out of water — they couldn’t even speak the language — and every time she turned on the radio there was someone singing You’ve Got A Friend. In her post, she was rather upset about the fact that it was everyone but the one voice she really wanted to hear — James Taylor’s! Not once did she hear James Taylor’s version of the song. So not too long ago, I sent her the CD, and she says she plays it all the time. A think Spirit is very fond of James Taylor and that particular song. Spirit seems to use it a lot, and rightly so. A more comforting song was never written! Thanks again for a great post! Marianne

    Reply

    • chattingwithspirit
      Jan 14, 2012 @ 19:33:07

      James Taylor … yes … love his voice! I can see why spirit use this song, the words are wonderful, and I am delighted to hear that others have had similar experiences.

      It can be so tough to keep our emotions in check … I know sometimes we just have to, but when we can be totally honest there is nothing like the comfort of a chat and a hug from a real friend is there? I’m sending you a virtual one … not quite as good I know, but think of it as a technologically advanced version!

      Reply

  8. Miss Molly
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 16:14:49

    Not sure what to type here… I woke (way too early mind you), checked my subscriptions and here you were… It was like reading my own story. I think you had a similar reaction to one of my posts.

    Particularly the first part about putting on a brave face and people not knowing… Something about pride? What is up with that… people have admired my strength and fortitude and I wish some had been more blunt with me about what they were seeing.

    Thanks for the reminder… Friend.

    ~ Molly

    Reply

    • chattingwithspirit
      Jan 14, 2012 @ 16:48:18

      Yes Molly, I too see the similarities between our stories … think I’m a little further along than you … almost 8 years now …. but remember it so well! I truly believe that through these experiences we grow into both stronger and more sensitive women. 🙂

      Reply

  9. Jane Atkinson
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 14:34:19

    Thanks Tish, the reminder came just at the right time and I could feel the tingle of truth. Many thanks. xx

    Reply

  10. Lin Trendall
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 14:01:20

    My mum lets me know she is around by “making me” switch on the radio at the exact moment “Spirit in the Sky” is playing. I have even been known to stop cooking a meal & go out to the car to listen to the radio as I just knew that song would be playing.
    I often get that song on the way to church & then know there will not be a message for me during service as I’ve already had it
    A little part of me says “just a coincidence” but deep down I know it’s more than that

    Reply

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